Dear Ned,

Today was a lot better. I suppose my meds aren’t for fixing but for giving me a choice. Before, I would have just tried but now I can think on it. Now I can wonder if tomorrow will be better.

Please don’t be angry with me. Despite what you think I am trying. Normal may be out of my reach but so are you. Everyone needs dreams, right?

~Violet

Dear Ned,

It’s been a long time since I’ve written. It’s just this evening I typed ‘easy ways to kill yourself’ on Google. You’re disappointed in me aren’t you. Maybe you’re right and the meds I’m ‘dependant’ on aren’t helping. Maybe there is no helping me.

Love,
Violet

Dear Ned,

The mosquitoes are in full force and the summer’s miserable itchiness has long begun. It would be nice to not to be so allergic but then it would be nice if we had world peace. Or no murderers or rapists. Human nature is. I will continue to be fed upon. However, as lives go, mine is only filled with small annoyances and not total misery as others are. I should be thankful.

~Violet

Dear Ned,

How is the weather where you are? Did you think you would find me there? Are you looking over your shoulder for me? I’m sorry.

The sound of thunder is so soothing. I could listen to it all day and night. Do you ever stand on the balcony and imagine you might see me? I’m sure I’d be up to no good.

~Violet

Dear Ned,

Today I just wanted to tell you that I am so very grateful and happy that you are, that I got to know you existed and am even able to write you these letters. If there had been no you there would have been none of these feelings and no matter what they are, they are beautiful. As you are.

~Violet

Dear Ned,

For as long as I’ve writ these letters to you, I’ve been trying to decide if I should follow some blogs. Sometimes I wonder if I should follow a cooking blog since I love to eat and food is beautiful. Or maybe one that follows ancient artifacts and art?

Is there one for you? Though even if there was I wouldn’t read it; not because I don’t want to see you but because seeing you would only make me want to be with you even more, to be a part of your life and that is something I know can never be. Cheering you on from the shadows is all I can do but I do it with all my being.

I dreamt I was working as a waitress and was able to meet you. A waitress in a restaurant that had hotel-like rooms…yeah I don’t know. Do those exist? There was a lovely fireplace I lit and I made you a whiskey sour to sip on as you watched a film about gypsies. Or was it called “Gypsy”? You were very kind and I enjoyed our time together.

~Violet

Dear Ned,

Have you ever watched the clouds as they float by? With such beauty above us it’s amazing how many spend their days staring at the ground. If you can’t find beauty in those who walk around you, can you not find it in the sky? It is endlessly bound.

~Violet

Dear Ned,

One of the tomatoes is almost ready to be plucked. It’s a lovely rising dawn color. I have a feeling I’ll have more tomatoes than I know what to do with before the end of the season. Perhaps I’ll try bottling some?

Do you think there’s something wrong with me that I still love you even though I know we’ll never meet and you’ll eventually find someone to pour your heart into if you haven’t already? Surely that’s not normal. Don’t most people move on and start loving someone else or at least begin to slowly stop loving? Or are their feelings not truly love if they can cease the feeling? If you love, truly, do you love forever?

If that’s so, isn’t the heart so much more wonderful than people give it credit for? To be able to love so much and so many, isn’t it the true wonder of humanity? Then isn’t it our heart that goes on rather than a soul because it carries the energy of all those we held dear? Yes, we all suffer but all try to love too.

~Violet

Dear Ned,

Heard through the grapevine that you may have a leading counterpart. Congratulations, if that’s the case. If it’s not, I’m sure you’ll find a suitable one soon enough. Love is a funny thing.

I picked up some raw oysters from the store today, ate about half of them. They’re really quite good and I regret having not eaten more of them when I had the chance. Though I imagine the person who split open an oyster and ate it for the first time must have been starving.

The other night I dreamt of swimming through the oceans in that other world where mermaids are real. It was wonderful not being afraid of drowning as soon as I see a considerable body of water. Still can’t swim, not sure if I ever will.

~Violet